My name is Louise Lim. I will like to share my testimony to glorify Lord Jesus who has completely healed me from severe depression and many suicidal attempts in the past.
I graduated from a law school in the year 2000, chambered and got admitted as a lawyer in the most prestigious law firm in town in 2001.
Life then, I thought was exciting, work hard and play hard. Being a junior lawyer at that time, I worked more than 12 hours a day sometimes 7 days a week without much rest.
After about 9 months of practice, I started to feel lethargic and drained out.
Further aggravated by problems in relationship, depression started to creep in. I lost all my energy at work and I didn’t feel like my brain was functioning at all to the extent I had to throw in an immediate resignation letter.
After resignation, I rested at home, slept most of the time and became very withdrawn from family members and friends. I thought I lost my job, dignity, confidence and felt so, so condemned and ashamed of myself.
The end of 2001 marked the beginning of my severe depression without myself actually knowing it. My family not knowing what to do sent me off for holidays for a relaxing trip but that did not help. After 9 months, body experience drastic changes ie severe insomnia, my hair dropped and I lost the senses of taste like sweet, salt, sour, bitter and others. Immediately, I was hospitalised and had to undergo a treatment called Electro Convulsion Treatment (ECT) and put on high dosage of anti-depressants. To make me sleep, doctor would prescribe me high dosage of sleeping pills.
After the ECT treatment, it was a relief, I could sleep and rest but only after taking various heavy medication and sleeping pills. I went back to legal practice in 2002 and since then had many ups and downs in life like a yoyo. It was a yoyo because at times I would be feeling good and great, exceling in my work. At times, I will fall back on serious relapse of deep depression and withdraw myself into my room and four walls again. I have consulted numerous top psychiatrists to seek cure, sin seh for acupuncture and herbal treatment, meditation, going into serious Taoism and Buddhism study, going for retreat so on and so forth. Nothing helps. For about 14 years of depression, other major suffering was I could not sleep without consuming at least 1-3 sleeping pills per day. I became addictive to sleeping pills!!! It reached an alarming stage that I was suicidal.
One fine day, sometime in April 2010, through a miraculous encounter, I was drawn to a church by my neighbour. Under heavy influence of medication, I knocked into my neighbour’s car. He was kind and caring enough not to scold me. Instead, he invited me to the church service. During the worship session, I felt very different, my tears kept flowing and but I felt a peace that surrounded me, like a fetus in a mother’s womb.
Since that encounter, I kept going back to the same church for Sunday services. On 6th June 2010, with the help of an evangelist Sister Roselyn, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour because I felt such a sense of inner peace which I thought I had lost in the last 10 years. I was particularly drawn to Psalm 23 which touched my heart : “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Your rod and Your staff comfort me.”
After receiving Jesus into my life, I went through many incidents “which look like asthmatic attacks”. Through the help of church leaders who continuously prayed and ministered to me, I later realised those are part of healing and deliverance journey when Holy Spirit is taking over my spirit, soul and body. My walk with Christ from was not a bed of roses but the Lord has sent help and assured me that He has never ceased guiding me and holding my hands through the trials and storms.
The addiction to sleeping pills and dependency on anti-depressant did not cease immediately until a few years. When I completely lost hope of recovering, and the doctor’s pronouncement that I was suffering from severe depression and had to depend medication for life , the Lord showed me this passage : Psalm 119: 67- 72 “Before I was afflicted I went astray, But now I keep Your word, You are good, and do good; Teach me Your statutes. The proud have forged a lie against me, But I will keep Your precepts with my whole heart. Their heart is as fat as grease.
But I delight in Your law, It is good that I have been afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes. The law of Your mouth is better to me, Than thousands of coins of gold and silver.” When there is battle and tussle in my mind, when the enemies tried to instil fear and anxiety that I will have relapse of depression, I was comforted by the Words of God where Lord Jesus read the book of Isaiah and pronounced: Luke 4 : 18-19 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me, To preach gospel to the poor, He has sent Me to heal the broken hearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives.
And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.” I kept claiming and believing the Lord has set me free from thoughts of oppression and lost of hope.
In 2013, when I had a very bad setback, the Lord connected me to Sister Joyce who encouraged me to just keep listening to sermons from Andrew Wommack Ministry. I faithfully put on my handsfree wire and stream on the free audio teachings of Andrew Wommack Ministry, about 3-6 teachings every day.
Even when I felt I “down”, “low-energy” and was lying on the bed, I kept listening to the free audio teachings of Andrew. It was then, I have revelation that Father God’s love for me is unshakeable, everlasting, eternal and His plans for me is for good and not evil, to give me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV).
Andrew’s words , “ I know and I know that Father God keeps my picture in His wallet” “Reign your emotions like bridle of the horses, don’t let it go wild”. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself like 2 dollar suitcase!!”
Those words kept reminding me, I am a child of God, I am loved by the Lord, I am an overcomer in Christ, “Satan be gone because I already know my position as a child of God. I am loved, I have a good future and hope.”
That was when I had my final breakthroughs. No doubts, no fears or anxiety or sense of hopelessness could shake me any further. I knew my position and identity as a child of God and I know my Creator and Saviour love me unconditionally.
It was since then in 2014, I knew and I received fully my healing and breakthroughs. I stopped taking any medication and have sweet deep sleep every night. Lord Jesus has healed and delivered me completely from more than 14 years of severe depression and suicidal attempts.
Today, I am serving the Lord cheerfully in mission trips under Women and Healing Ministry. When I look back, I always asked the Lord why do I need to wait for more than 12 years before You set me free ?
When I meditate on this question, I am reminded by the Lord “ When you were in deep pit and miry clay, thinking there is no more hope to live on, I am there to draw you out from the deep pit and miry clay so that one day, you will help others to remember Me, that I am He who loves you and I will never you nor forsaken you.”
Proverbs 3: 5-7 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” When I pen down this testimony, I am no longer ashamed to share this testimony to glorify His Name Yahweh. I walk with full liberty and freedom as child of God. No form of enemies shall prosper against me. Our God is truly awesome. He loves us so much and He has never failed us. All glory and honor to God.
